


I'll hold in these hands all that remains (Charles' Hands remix)

by hllfire



Category: X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies), X-Men (Comicverse)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Still Have Powers, Angst, Charles is trying his best, Fluff, Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Torture, M/M, Slice of Life, Strangers to Friends to Lovers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-24
Updated: 2020-10-24
Packaged: 2021-03-08 22:21:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27173740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hllfire/pseuds/hllfire
Summary: From childhood to the rest of his life, Charles is with Erik as his unwanted companion and longest friend. As Erik's Death.
Relationships: Erik Lehnsherr/Charles Xavier
Comments: 8
Kudos: 21





	I'll hold in these hands all that remains (Charles' Hands remix)

**Author's Note:**

  * For [InsertSthMeaningful](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsertSthMeaningful/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Charles' Hands](https://archiveofourown.org/works/27147679) by [InsertSthMeaningful](https://archiveofourown.org/users/InsertSthMeaningful/pseuds/InsertSthMeaningful). 



> Before anything I BEG YOU TO READ THE STORY THIS IS INSPIRED FROM FIRST, a lot will make sense if you do it, trust me.  
> Now, it's currently 4am and the sun is rising as I'm posting this. I've been finishing this up for hours now because I really wanted to make and post this since Steph's fic fucking destroyed me and basically begged me to make the remix. It's my first time doing a remix so I hope is good lmao  
> Hope you guys like this! ❤️

That spring day in Düsseldorf, Charles found himself back to his child form again, blue eyes scanning around him and watching his surroundings, knowing that the person — the _child_ — who he was meant to meet was probably close. It felt weird everytime he was back to that young version of himself, to have a mind so old but to look so young. He thought that maybe one day he would get used to it, but he never did.

When the boy stumbled against him, when he touched Charles' shoulder, Charles panicked for a moment. It was never a good sign when someone stumbled into their Deaths like that, and Charles quickly warned the boy to not touch him. That would've been a pity, to see such a young boy die like this because of a stupid accident. It had happened before, and Charles was determined to not letting it happen again, especially after the few moments of knowing that boy. _Erik._

Upon the first contact, Charles was able to feel just how long it would take before he would have to do his work — he didn't know the date exactly, but he could tell how long one's life would be —, and was more than pleased to see just how long it would take for Erik to reach his end. A long life, which Charles thought that this sweet boy, who was almost crying upon knowing Charles didn't have a family, definitely deserved.

"You’re so nice!" Erik said, tears threatening to fall from his eyes as Charles smiled fondly at the boy. "You deserve a family. I’m sure if you came home with me, you could stay and live with us."

"That’s a very sweet thing to say. But I’m not here for a family. All I’m here for is _you."_

Erik had frowned at him with those words, making Charles smile at how much the boy was frowning in confusion with their talk. It was never easy to understand when people first met him, so he allowed the boy some time to think.

"I don't understand." and then realization struck Erik's eyes, his body stiffening as he watched Charles carefully. There was rejection in his mind for a moment, as if he could run from Charles at any second. _"Oh."_

"Don't worry. It's not your time."

Erik stayed silent then and Charles waited, giving the boy time for him to think, noticing the rejection slowly fading away from Erik's mind. Curiously, it vanished faster than any other human Charles had encountered before, curiosity and joy taking its place. That made Charles tilt his head.

"You're still a kid," Erik said then, making Charles raise his eyebrows. "Do you want to play anyway?"

Charles smiled widely at that, fondness growing over that young boy. Dangerous feeling, but unstoppable nonetheless. Charles nodded, his smile being mirrored by Erik at the same moment.

Charles was someone's death, had been for so long he couldn't even recall who was the first human he accompanied through life, but never in his existence he wished he himself could die than when Erik was captured and experimented on. 

They had grown close ever since that first day in Düsseldorf, Erik was loving and sweet as a child, and he carried it through his life until he grew up. Until the humans got to him and started to torture him, to open him for experiments, to turn Erik into a lab rat and take from him that sweet and loving nature that Charles had learned to appreciate. He knew it was still there somewhere, buried under rage and pain, but Charles also knew that it would take too long for it to surface again, if at all.

For a while, Charles was sure he had felt it wrong that first day they met and this would be Erik's end. He couldn't see Erik surviving all of that, all of the pain and abuse he was suffering, and many days while Erik laid unconscious and Charles watched with a heavy heart, he thought about taking Erik's hand on his, about comforting him and giving him the rest he deserved so the pain would go away.

But he couldn't, not when he knew Erik's life had a deeper meaning to it, that somehow Erik would get away from all of that and do something. So, every time his hand hovered over Erik's and he was just inches away from taking it, Charles retreated his hand.

And it hurt to do so, because Erik's mind was a constant cry for help, for relief of the nightmare he was living, but all Charles could do was stand there and watch as his friend suffered. 

Sometimes, Charles would see the other Deaths, the ones that accompanied the doctors and soldiers that kept Erik and so many others captive, and sometimes he would look at them in despair, a silent question — sometimes a silent plea — of when would they go. The other Deaths only shook their heads before ignoring Charles completely and making him close his fists.

There was nothing he could do, and it only made him feel awful whenever he showed up for Erik. He hid himself more now, scared that one day he would listen to Erik's pleas for death when the pain was too much and he would comply, but he couldn't help but show himself sometimes as well. Erik needed a familiar face, even if he was now starting to hate Charles as time went by. He needed comfort, even if the comfort wasn't welcome.

"Why do you keep letting them do this to me?"

Erik's eyes were on him as Charles stood there, morphing to the nightguard that kept Erik on check. Charles felt his heart breaking into pieces as he watched Erik there, bruised and tied up, at the mercy of monsters. It took some effort to let his words leave his mouth without showing his emotions.

"You know I can’t help you, even by taking you now. It would be to divert the flow of a river which is supposed to bring water to thirsty lands."

"So you keep telling me. _Your time hasn’t yet come, Erik. Calm your mind, Erik…_ But look at what they’ve done. Not just to me, but to all the others in this cellar. I can feel the blood in their bodies cooling as we speak.”

Charles wished he could scream that it wasn't his fault, that there was nothing he could do, but he just kept his mouth shut, the nightguard turning to leave and taking Charles with her. There was nothing he could do, and yet he did something anyway. 

Charles had noticed the nail on that specific nightguard's boot a while ago. It was the only piece of iron in the whole facility that would be able to reach Erik, but Erik was so tired that Charles knew he wouldn't notice it that easily. So Charles showed it to him, even if he didn't say anything about it, hoping Erik would focus on that woman and would feel it.

He knew Erik would die there if he didn't interfere, he knew that those humans would interfere with the flow of things if Charles didn't give Erik the means to escape, so he followed his gut, afraid that he could be wrong. Next to him, the nightguard's Death nodded at Charles, a clear message in their eyes: that woman's life was coming to an end.

There was relief, but there was also dread in Charles' mind as he saw that, hearing Erik say something about Charles standing idly. He disappeared, hid himself from Erik, and turned his eyes from the events that would follow. Erik would be free and alive, but Charles felt like he turned into the death of many others that night.

It would've been easier to deal with Erik's coldness for the next two decades if Charles hadn't gotten so attached to Erik before, if he didn't watch the other man get his life back together with hope that the boy he had met so many years ago would be back. And it felt good to see Erik smile again when Magda arrived, when they got married and when his kids were born. Part of that lovely and sweet boy that Charles had learned to love came back, slowly. Never fully, but it was still there in the small smiles, in the way Erik's mind flared with love towards his wife and children, or the way the memory of his kind mother came back to his mind whenever he and Magda helped the kids to light the candles and recite their blessings every friday when Shabbat came.

His mind never flared with fondness towards Charles, however. Not anymore, not after the hell he went through and Charles didn't help. Charles also never talked about the iron nail, never said his involvement in Erik's escape, and only accepted Erik's anger with a smile, in the hopes that one day Erik would let go of it and would smile at Charles again. 

In the meantime, Charles watched Anya, Wanda, Pietro and Lorna grow, looking at the family that Erik had just gotten back with thankfulness. They had brought Erik the comfort Charles couldn't, and he loved them even more for it. Every time Magda held Erik during a night full of nightmares, every time one of the kids made him smile and gave him purpose again, Charles would close his eyes and smile in relief, knowing that there were people now for Erik to hold on to. He wished he could be one of them, but Charles' touch and presence wasn't a good omen now for Erik, reminding him of his own mortality.

For the first time in his existence, Charles wished he could be something else, but Erik's rage reminded him he was Death. Being unwanted was natural for him, but being unwanted by Erik seemed to hurt like it never did before.

Sometimes, Charles looked at Erik's family and remembered Erik's words to him on the day they met.

_"You deserve a family."_

Sometimes, he wondered if Erik would extend his family to Charles now if he didn't hate Charles so much.

"The night I escaped that cellar," Erik said, voice quiet in a dark room, muffled by the way he was laying on the bed. On the other side, Charles sat silently, eyes away from Erik's back as he waited for him to finish talking. "you showed your face on the guard that had the nail in her shoe. Was that on purpose?" 

Charles' gaze fell as he pursed his lips, keeping his answer to himself for a moment more. It was the first time Erik talked to him properly, and if he was honest he wanted to make the moment last. They were alone, Magda was out with the kids on a trip that Erik didn't go. It was just them, like it had been years ago.

When he finally answered something, his voice was equally as quiet.

"It wasn't your time. You have more ahead of you. I just had to push you in the direction of survival there."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Why would I?" Charles turned his head towards Erik, seeing eyes staring at him in the dark. Erik's mind was swirling, too many emotions going through his head at that moment. "You were angry, and it wouldn't have helped if I said I helped you escape in some way."

There was silence until Charles heard Erik mumble a quiet _goddammit Charles._ He smiled at that, half amused. The silence stretched for so long then that Charles had to constantly check if Erik had slept, only to find his mind awake and reflecting about that new piece of information. Hope blossomed in Charles' chest at that. He wanted his friend back.

"I'm not angry anymore." was all that Erik said in the dark room after a while, and Charles felt a big weight being lifted from his chest with those words.

Charles had to hide from Erik when they stepped inside the place where Erik intended to open his school — one of many places that Erik had looked that day, but the only one that he truly liked. The moment Erik's decision was made to buy that place, Charles was able to see more clearly just how important Erik's life was. He had a hint before, had the feeling that Erik was important, but the moment hadn't arrived until that one decision.

Charles had seen it before, how someone's life tied sometimes was to another's — and how someone's death could be the same —, but the ties that Erik's life had were more than Charles could ever imagine. Change would come through Erik's life, and Charles realized that the boy, now a full man, he was chosen to warden would change the world.

When he appeared again to Erik later as Erik stood in one of the many rooms of the place, Charles saw a hopeful smile on Erik's lips that made him smile back.

"Don't tell me you'll take me now because of a heart attack or something." Erik joked, although part of him feared that his words could have some kind of truth. Charles snorted at him.

"Oh, my friend… I wouldn't dare." Charles' smile widened a little more as he got ready to say the best part of it all. "You still have a lot to live."

At every accomplishment, Charles was there to smile at Erik and promise him he still had time.

He watched time go by, watched Erik's hair become grey as the years passed, watched Erik smile like the boy Charles had met so many years ago and saw him cry, saw him angry and peaceful, saw him like no one would ever see.

He was always there, in good and bad times, arguably because none of them had a choice on the matter, but Charles _wanted_ to be there. He was there when Magda died, when his desire to comfort Erik was once again almost overwhelming, wishing that the hugs and love he received from his children reflected Charles' as well. He was also there when Ororo won the presidential elections, hand holding Erik's clothed elbow as he made sure their skin didn't touch, and he felt the pure joy in Erik's mind, the corners of his eyes wrinkled with the smile that he couldn't quite contain. He was proud of her, and Charles couldn't say that he wasn't as well after seeing the woman grow under Erik's care in the school.

Charles was always there, and Erik seemed to want him there, but Charles was always worried that it would change when the time came. He could feel the clock ticking, the time approaching slowly as both of them looked old and tired — Erik more than Charles; Erik always said Charles still had the same look in his eyes that he had as a child —, and he wondered if that would change things between them.

One day, Charles wondered if he could go with Erik when time came.

There were stories of beings like Charles having a last job, the one before they themselves were allowed to rest and have their peace. Inside himself, there was faint hope that Erik was just that, but there was no way of knowing. All he could do was to hope.

When the time came, Charles didn't feel ready. 

When he saw Erik again, Charles looked at the lines on his face, the grey of his hair and the way he looked tired from a long life, but all Charles could see was the sweet boy he met on a spring day, who wanted to give Charles a family. 

They talked, and it felt like all the talks they had before, but there was something grim at the thought that it was the last one. He tried to see if Erik is afraid of him there, but only found peace and happiness as Erik looked up at him. 

"Erik Lehnsherr," Charles said after a while, serious face, knowing that those are the words he should've been prepared to say all this time. He wasn't. “your time has come. Know that if you take my hands-"

Before Charles could even finish, Erik's hand was on his, holding tightly with the last bit of strength he still had in his frail body. Charles heard himself gasp, eyes quickly going over to Erik in confusion.

"You didn’t let me finish."

"Should I have?" Charles huffed out a chuckle at Erik's smile there, a deep frown on his face as he watched that man in front of him and kept his hand holding Erik's tightly. They felt warm against Charles', callused and dry but soft, in contrast to the softness of Charles' own.

"Probably. I don’t know." Charles shook his head, the confused smile never leaving his lips as his eyes held Erik's gaze. "No one has ever been so eager to hold my hands. No one before you."

"How charming... to let me know that there were others."

Charles blushed immediately, another incredulous look being directed at Erik as Charles felt the satisfaction the man was feeling for managing to get Charles to blush. 

"You’re a ridiculous man."

Charles' smile wavered as he felt it starting, his pull starting to attract Erik and slowly taking him away so he could rest. Part of him wished for more: more time, more words, more touches. He wished to see more of Erik's smiles and to embrace him like he always wanted, but he knew that, right now, he just needed to hold Erik's hand.

Charles held it tighter with both his hands, a fond smile appearing on his lips as he watched his old friend finally have the rest he deserved. And although he knew Erik couldn't hear him, Charles spoke again.

"You can let it go now, my friend. It's okay." Erik's eyes get distant, as if he was falling into a slumber. It was peaceful, and Charles' smile widened. "Hopefully, I'll see you on the other side… Maybe I won't, but I'll hold on to hope. To you."

Charles kept the grip on Erik's hand as he took a deep breath, feeling himself being pulled away with Erik as the man's eyes and mind lost focus, his job finally done after so many years, and his heart aching for this to be the end for him as well, aching for rest he hoped he deserved.

In Erik's mind, there was love, there was the blue autumn sky, Charles' blue eyes and Charles' hands.

In Charles', there was hope; there was Erik.

**Author's Note:**

> I ugly cried writing the ending, thanks.  
> Comments and Kuddos are more than appreciated and keeps an author's soul alive. Even a "❤️" or "+kuddos" are valid and will make me happy. ❤️
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](http://hellfre.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://twitter.com/hllfire)!


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